<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Safe in Your Hands by Bittereloquence</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26003800">Safe in Your Hands</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bittereloquence/pseuds/Bittereloquence'>Bittereloquence</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dom/sub Undertones, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, No Beta We Die Like Clones, Oral Sex, if you squint and tilt your head a little, mild spoilers for Kanan comics, rare pairs deserve love too</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:55:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26003800</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bittereloquence/pseuds/Bittereloquence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Reunited with his General after six long months of separation after the disastrous battle of Haruun Kal, a clone commander and his Jedi general have face uncertainty of the future and seek to reaffirm their relationship which has been damaged by time and trauma.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Depa Billaba/CC-10/994 | Grey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Star Wars Fanfiction Discord</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Safe in Your Hands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This shameless smut brought to you by a raunchy conversation we got up to on the Clone Centre discord a few months back where the concept of domme!Depa/Grey got floated about and I desperately needed that in my life. Yet once again, my thirst sadly went unquenched so I had to write it myself instead. I may be seeing a bit of a trend here. This is a super late birthday present for Chloe and is like a month late because real life happened and then my laptop died and literally ate all the porn which had to be re-written so, sorry if it's a bit of a shitshow second time around. Please bear with me because this was literally the first het porn I've probably written in 20 years and my asexual ass tried. This is un-beta'd as always and all mistakes are mine.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Depa Billaba had always enjoyed a unique relationship with the Force and the delicate balance one had to maintain between the Light and the Dark. She knew some Jedi looked at the way she and her former master Mace Windu walked the razor-thin line and thought them reckless or like they were playing with a loaded blaster just primed and ready to go off. </p><p>But she and Mace both understood that there was a narrow line between both extremes where they chose to reside. She knew the whole reason Mace had originally conceived the idea Vaapad was because he had wrestled with controlling his own more aggressive urges that under normal circumstances might have led a Jedi to fall to the dark side. </p><p>However, after so much time walking through the shadows that made up the edge between the Light and the Dark, it had given Depa the strength to not fall completely even in her bleakest of moments. Losing her sister early in this war had been a blow but one she’d been able to absorb and ultimately release into the Force. </p><p>She’d struggled in the aftermath of losing most of her men to Grievous and his seemingly endless waves of battle droids on Haruun Kal. In her despair of watching him cut down Grey along with Styles like so many of her men, she’d probably come closer to falling in that moment than she had her entire life. </p><p>Against all odds though, she’d somehow survived both her bloody duel with Grievous and more importantly, had managed to come through the shadowy penumbra of the Dark Side and back into the Light on the other side. Admittedly, she’d spent almost six months in a bacta tank recovering from the physical wounds she’d sustained and she now had a fresh set of courtesy of Grievous’s lightsabers to remind her of that harrowing day. </p><p>Still, once she’d been released from her bacta tank and finally given the physical all-clear, she’d found herself feeling vaguely out of sorts. It was like the balance that had come so easily to her once upon a time remained elusive and just out of reach. </p><p>Meeting Caleb Dume had helped a lot and the connection she’d felt to the young padawan had been instantaneous. There had been something in the young man that had spoken to her and despite the fact she’d never really been interested in taking on a padawan learner, despite the fact her own control and ability to walk the Vaapad path had been so damaged in her fight with Grievous, she’d still accepted him as her padawan learner. </p><p>Depa knew there were whispers circulating saying she was damaged goods. That she’d lead her men into a massacre and could not be trusted to lead another battalion of clones. And there was a part of her that agreed with those vicious whispers even though she was aware that was her own insecurities speaking. </p><p>Training Caleb had helped, as did spending time with her old master, but it wasn’t until they returned to the field and she was reunited with what remained of her men that she finally felt truly centered. The sight of Commander Grey’s familiar armor along with that of Styles standing there put something in ease within her that had been achingly wrong for too long. </p><p>Depa couldn’t help but let her eyes travel over the two clone’s faces, automatically taking in the subtle changes half a year had wrought upon them. And if her gaze briefly lingered on the new scar that bisected her SIC’s face, could you blame her? She’d thought the man dead when Grievous had cut him down. Instead, the Kaleesh had left the clone with his own set of scars to remember him by and she felt all guiltier because of that. </p><p>The fact she’d become attached to Grey and the rest of her men had not escaped Depa, nor had the fact she’d come perilously close to losing herself to the Dark Side when Grievous and his droids had slaughtered most of her battalion with all the dispassionate carnage the clankers usually showed. </p><p>But unlike most of the Jedi order, she knew that attachment was not necessarily a bad thing. It was as always, finding the necessary balance between attachment and not letting it consume you to the point where that attachment superseded everything else that a Jedi had to find. </p><p>Depa and her new padawan settled in around the fire the men had built and she simply allowed herself to drink in the sight of those familiar faces. She’d missed her men more than she’d expected, especially the likes of Commander Grey whom she sat close enough to their knees practically brushed. Though she doubted anyone would notice in the flickering light of the fire. </p><p>“I’m ready for that debriefing, commander.” She said lightly and judging by the way Grey’s eyes widened in surprise, she suspected her meaning was not lost on her commander. He passed her a mug of steaming hot caf and his gloved fingers brushed against hers lightly as he did so. Depa didn’t particularly enjoy caf but she did appreciate the warmth radiating from the mug and cupped her fingers around it as they spoke.</p><p>They discussed the state of the men, their replacements and kept things mostly professional as the conversation of the rest of their men became a sort of background noise. Depa bit back a smile as Styles teased Caleb and she found she’d missed this, missed the quiet moments amongst her clone soldiers who were so utterly unlike her fellow Jedi. </p><p>The Jedi as a whole were often too consumed with maintaining the air of dignity of their Order. Sure, the younglings and padawans were allowed to have more unfettered fun but she could not imagine the likes of the Jedi High Council sitting around a fire just chatting and teasing one another shamelessly. The clones really did act like a family and she found herself envying them that bond. </p><p>It was a pleasant way to spend an evening but eventually, it started to get late and Depa finally climbed gracefully to her feet, her mug of caf having gone cold by now and she was beginning to feel the chill bite in the air. “Gentlemen, I wish you a good night.” </p><p>Every the soul of graciousness, she smiled at the gathered clones and even spared a fond look of exasperation for her padawan. “Try not to stay up too late; we have an early morning tomorrow.” That was directed more towards Caleb than the rest of the men and smiled down at Grey as she handed back the mug. </p><p>“Thank you for the caf, Grey.” Their fingers brushed one last time during the hand-off and he simply dipped his head in acknowledgment. </p><p>“Have a good night, general.” </p><p>“If you need me for anything, I’ll be in my tent, commander.” And with that, she stepped away from the fire circle and headed in the direction of her tent with a swirl of robes. It was identical to the rest of the tents but unlike the clones that were often squeezed in up to four at a time, she bunked alone. </p><p>Originally, she’d planned to have Caleb bunk down with her but the boy had been so excited at the prospect of bunking down with his new buddies in the clone ranks, she hadn’t had it within her to deny him. Besides, she looked forward to maintaining a little bit of her privacy because it was still a bit of an adjustment, taking on a padawan. She’d been on her own for so long that learning to share her life with another human being was not the easiest adjustment to make.</p><p>She knew her old Master Mace was probably laughing to himself over her predicament and he’d seemed especially mischievous when she’d told him the news. Not that he showed it in the most overt of ways but she knew how to read that man like an open holo-novel. Depa was self-aware enough to recognize he was well within his rights to laugh at her expense just a little bit after all of the shenanigans she’d pulled as a padawan learner herself. </p><p>But the truth of the matter was, she’d never intended on taking on a padawan learner, especially not now in the midst of this awful war. But something inside Caleb Dume had called to her and she recognized it to be the will of the Force. Still, she worried about bringing a child into a war zone even if she did trust her men to ensure he would be safe. </p><p>Or as safe as anyone could be in the middle of this conflict, she reminded herself.</p><p>Depa started the process of getting ready for bed, confident that tonight at least she could be reasonably assured there would be little chance of late-night interruptions courtesy of Separatist attacks. </p><p>She made use of the refresher, exchanged her robes for a simple shift and was in the process of letting her hair down for the evening when she felt an all too familiar Force presence approach her tent.</p><p>The sounds of laughter and conversation outside had quieted down while she had been performing her nightly ablutions and she suspected most of her men, and hopefully, Caleb had sought out their beds for the evening. </p><p>But not Grey, she could see the shadow of his silhouette standing there just outside her closed tent flap and did not need the Force to realize he was wrangling with whether or not to interrupt her. Depa felt a wash of fondness for the man kindle in her chest even as a smile curled up the corners of her mouth.</p><p>"Come in, Grey, you needn't hover outside." She called with a hefty dose of amusement in her voice and she could hear his huff of amusement even from outside and the tent flap parted to reveal the chagrined looking clone.</p><p>"Am I interrupting, general?" His eyes widened when they fell on her dressed down for bed with half her hair falling down her back in thick waves. </p><p>Depa didn't know if her closeness to Grey contributed to her attenuation to him in the living Force but Depa unconsciously found herself picking up on the stray wash of emotions that bled through Grey's Force signature when he looked at her with that unexpectedly naked hunger and surprise on the clone’s scarred face. </p><p>It spoke to her, not the Jedi but the woman who at one time had welcomed this man into her bed happily. But that had been before Grievous, before she’d spent the better part of six months in a bacta tube recovering and if she were honest with herself, up until that moment, she hadn’t been sure where that left them. </p><p>They’d never made any promises to one another, in point of fact, it was the exact opposite. Depa was always going to be a Jedi first and foremost. Her duties to the Republic and to the living Force would always come first but in that regard, she had found herself lucky to be matched with the clone commander whose own viewpoint so closely matched her own.</p><p>He too had assured her duty would always come before personal feelings and because of that, she’d felt more comfortable letting down her guard around the man. </p><p>“Not at all, please, come in.” She offered graciously, all too aware of the fact her voice sounded a little bit husky to her own ears. But it was hard to not be affected by the heated look in her lover’s eyes. The intervening months and absence suddenly melted away like it was nothing and she held out a hand towards the clone commander in a silent plea for him to approach. </p><p>He’d taken off his armor in the time and apparently availed himself of the refresher as well because his hair was still damp. It was cut as short as always though she found herself idly wondering what he would look like if he ever allowed it to grow out of the strict military buzz cut he wore it in. If it would be given to curling as she’d seen in other clones. </p><p>As always, the subtle differences to be found amongst the ranks of the clones were fascinating on an intellectual level and Grey had done his best to try and explain what it was like to grow up in the sterile homogenous hallways of the cloners facilities on Kamino. How they’d tried to suppress all deviation from their careful template of what a clone trooper was expected to be. </p><p>And how that had created the almost subversive need in the clones to try and strive for some sense of individuality once they left the strict regime of life on Kamino. It broke her heart to hear him talk of the casual and ruthless eugenics and culling of ‘defective’ units as the Kaminoans strove to implement their inhuman ideal of what an acceptable level of deviation was allowable in clones. </p><p>Depa was endlessly relieved to hear that Shaak Ti had been assigned to the cloner’s facilities and in the knowledge her fellow Jedi would not allow such things to continue such travesties. Grey found her fierce reaction and anger towards his creators both puzzling and charming and had told her as such in the final days before the Battle of Haruun Kal had decimated their lives as they lay in bed together tangled up in each other’s arms while talking. </p><p>A part of her envied their former selves who hadn’t realized what pain and agony lay ahead of them while another part of her had feared that pain and distance might have squashed out the spark between them. She’d made peace with herself and the knowledge when she saw Grey again, it might simply be as just general and clone commander. </p><p>That the man might resent her for her perceived failings in not being able to save so many of his brothers and men. But seeing that look on Grey’s face, feeling the warm glow of emotion emanating outwards from him into the very Force around him, she knew that wasn’t the case.</p><p>And that realization had emotion welling up inside of her as an unconscious pressure or burden that had been weighing her down seemed to ease away. Grey’s hand, scarred and callused from a lifetime of fighting and training closed around hers warm and tight. </p><p>Oh, she realized somewhat belatedly with the knowledge she wasn’t the only one who’d been uncertain of where they stood. Her expression softened ever so slightly as she tugged him down to sit down beside her on the standard-issue cot. It creaked ominously under his additional weight but she knew from experience it was more than capable of withstanding their combined weight and then some. </p><p>“General I—“</p><p>“Depa,” She corrected with a wry looking smile as she tugged Grey’s still trapped hand closer and in doing so, encouraged him to scoot a little closer as well until they were within reach of one another. “I think we can dispense with ranks tonight, don’t you, Grey?” </p><p>“Depa, I don’t…” He started to try again only to stumble to a stop once more. </p><p>“You don’t know where we stand currently?” The Jedi supplied gently and turned the man’s hand over so that she could lightly trace her finger along the lines of Grey’s palm. Depa knew there were people out there who claimed they could read the future in someone’s hand but she’d always chalked that up to flimflam or that person unknowingly or perhaps knowingly tapping into the Force. </p><p>After all, she very rarely got the occasional Force vision herself. In truth, the entire reason she and Grey had accidentally ended up falling into bed had been because of a flash she’d gotten of the future. </p><p>“Pretty much, yes,” Grey admitted wryly, eyes trained on her hand as she gently explored his palm. He felt almost hyper-aware of her presence and how those feather-light touches seemed to send echoes of sensation throughout his body. Her touch wasn’t overtly sexual or even seductive but the clone found himself attuned to her touch all the same. “I don’t want to presume anything.” </p><p>“I find myself in the same situation, Grey.” Depa confided softly and her dark eyes sought his. “We didn’t make any promises to one another and I certainly do not want you to feel obliged or expectant to just pick up where we left off. It’s been a very long six months and I certainly will not fault you if your interest has waned or if you—“ </p><p>This time, it was Grey’s turn to interrupt her. He laced their fingers together and brought up his free hand to gently tuck some of her now loose, damp hair back out of her face and behind one ear. The fact Depa was almost word for word saying the same thing he’d been gathering up his courage to say to her had not escaped him. It should have been funny but it felt strangely freeing to know she was wrestling with the same doubts and uncertainties as him.</p><p>He certainly hadn’t expected to find himself falling in love with his Jedi general any more than he’d expected she would ever return those feelings. But Depa Billaba somehow always found a way to surprise him. </p><p>“I want you. Six months isn’t going to change my mind.”</p><p>“Even after everything?” There was an unexpected fragility in her voice when she said that and this time, it was Grey’s face that softened as he gently tipped her chin up ever so slightly with two knuckles so their gaze could lock once more. </p><p>“Even after everything, if you’ll have me.” </p><p>Jedi had been warned repeatedly against forming attachments to others, that strong emotional bonds would lead to the Dark Side but in that moment, she found herself questioning one of the core tenants of the Jedi order. </p><p>Because how could the emotion she felt radiating both out of Grey and into the Force or the answering emotion inside her own heart be bad? </p><p>Especially when they both knew that at the end of the day, they knew this love would ultimately have to be put aside if their duty called for it. </p><p>In all of her exploration of the murky shadows between the Light and the Dark Side, Depa had never encountered anything quite like this. And a part of her desperately wanted to seek counsel from someone else though she found herself at a loss about who that could possibly be. </p><p>The idea of reaching out to Mace and asking him was laughable. </p><p>Maybe one of her friends and former crèchemates? Did any of them find themselves inexorably drawn to or emotionally attached to their men or was she simply broken in some fundamental way? </p><p>Damaged goods. </p><p>That insidious voice of self-doubt whispered in the back of her mind. </p><p>“Depa?” Grey was beginning to look a little concerned at her continued silence and she belatedly realized she’d never answered him.</p><p>“I’m sorry, my dear, I was…lost in thought.” </p><p>"You’re troubled by something.” As always, the clone’s ability to gaze seemingly right into the core of her both impressed and unnerved her. She knew he wasn’t Force-sensitive but somehow he almost instinctively understood what was going on inside of her brain sometimes more easily than she did. How many times had she turned in the middle of battle to issue an order only to find he’d already anticipated what her wishes before she even said a word? </p><p>“I am troubled by many things, Grey.”</p><p>"Is this one of them?” He asked seriously and squeezed her fingers again to indicate what he meant. </p><p>“It troubles me how much I want this.” She matched him honestly. “I thought about this, I <i>dreamt</i> about this while I was in the tank. Both of you right here with me but also out there on the battlefield. When Grievous struck you down, I thought he had killed you and I came perilously close to falling to the Dark Side, I think.” </p><p>“But you didn’t. You went through Hell itself but you didn’t lose yourself, Depa.” Grey knew he would remember that horrific day for the rest of his life. So many of his brothers had been slain and killed in front of them until the battlefield had looked like drops of blood spilled over a sea of white snow from a distance. That's the thought he'd had while looking out over the battlefield as he found himself surrounded by droids.</p><p>Grievous and his clankers had just kept coming like some unstoppable tide. Styles had gone down thanks to an unlucky shot from a super battle droid and Grey had tried to interpose himself between his Jedi and the cyborg only for him to go through him like he was a piece of flimsi and his last thoughts before darkness had claimed him was that he’d failed Depa in some way.</p><p>Instead, he’d woken up almost four weeks later courtesy of an extended dip in a bacta tube to a bleak-looking Styles who had been unable to offer him any more answers about the state of their general. </p><p>“I know you, I know what kind of person you are, Depa and you would never fall to the Dark Side like that.” His hand cupped her cheek tenderly and Depa allowed herself the pleasure of enjoying the tactile sensation of his fingers which were rough but oh so warm against her skin. “You have more control than ten other Jedi combined.”</p><p>“I was not aware you were so well-acquainted with that many Jedi.” She teased and pressed her cheek into that scarred hand little more firmly.</p><p>Grey looked a little nonplussed momentarily. “I may have...spent some time on Coruscant recovering and I may have…visited you at the temple when they would let me?” His voice rose in pitch almost in a strangled question by the end there and she could have sworn she saw his tanned cheeks darken with an embarrassed flush. </p><p>The Jedi’s eyes widened in surprise because some of her more disjointed and confusing dreams suddenly made a lot more sense. “I sensed you there; I thought I had just imagined it.” </p><p>“I met your master, he’s uh…intense.” That was an understatement. Mace Windu had been every bit as intimidating as clone gossip made him out to be. Yet the man had also treated him with more respect than he’d honestly expected considering his own sense of failure when it came to Depa. </p><p>But trying to read the man was like trying to read a solid rock face, damn near impossible. </p><p>“You met Mace?” That startled a laugh out of the Jedi and Depa had to remind herself not everyone was aware of the many and varied layers that made up Mace Windu as a person. She had never found him to be intense or larger than life though she’d seen other people react in that way around him. </p><p>She’d had such a strong Force impression of him from what felt like her earliest memories that it had probably invariably shaped the lens in which she saw her master. </p><p>“His bark is worse than his bite.”</p><p>“He wasn’t like that, he was very polite but just…he’s Mace Windu.” </p><p>“I’d gathered that on my own, yes.” Amusement quirked up the corners of her mouth as she regarded her lover and Grey huffed quietly, his fond exasperation briefly bleeding into his Force signature. </p><p>Depa found herself wondering why she felt so much more attuned to him or if it was simply that she’d been surrounded by her fellow Jedi who had so much better shielding that only now did she notice his unshielded emotions more keenly? But she swore her attenuation towards her commander was stronger than perhaps ever before. </p><p>Or perhaps it was simply that Grey was broadcasting his feelings more intensely into the Force because he was genuinely happy to see her. She was a little bit concerned just what Caleb would glean off of him if he practically shined like a beacon in the Force every time he was close to her. </p><p>”You know what I mean, <i>cyar'ika.</i>” Grey said with one of those tiny smiles of his. He wasn’t as emotive as Styles, wasn’t as boisterous in personality but Depa enjoyed the calm and sincere personality and felt it dove-tailed with her own quite seamlessly. </p><p>“What does that mean?” Depa guessed it was Mando’a or some pigeon version of that the clones had cobbled together. She’d picked up a smattering of it, usually courtesy of either Grey or Styles but she didn’t recognize that term. </p><p>The clone’s face was definitely more rosy and red now, a curious reaction that garnered him a surprised look from the Jedi.</p><p>“It’s a word...in Mando’a,” Grey hedged.</p><p>“You’re blushing. That must be some word.” </p><p>“I am not.” The clone protested, voice sounding decidedly strangled now. </p><p>“You absolutely are.” Depa teased and leaned across the distance between them so she could press a kiss first onto one hot cheek. “And now I am—“ she murmured as she moved to press her mouth to the other cheek. “—wildly curious about what that word means.” Beneath her lips, she could feel the raised tissue of Grey’s scar and she lingered there a moment before pulling back so she could grin playfully at him with a spark of mischief in her eyes. “I could always ask Styles what it mea—“ </p><p>Depa didn’t get to finish that teasing statement courtesy of Grey’s mouth as he caught hers in a sudden kiss. He was a little too aggressive, a little less practiced in initiating considering he was usually content to let her take the reins and the lead. Their noses bumped together before he corrected the angle a little bit. </p><p>She found herself biting back a giggle and eagerly kissed him back. </p><p>They sat like that for a few minutes, kissing lazily but the angle was a little bit awkward so finally, Depa with Nexu-like quickness and agility swung a leg over Grey’s and settled herself into the clone’s lap. Her shift ended up awkwardly bunched up around her legs and this close, she could feel the hard line of Grey’s erection where it pressed against her insistently. </p><p>Grey had not been expecting that sudden shift or pressure landing directly on his poor dick and a surprised noise that was half approval and half dismay escaped him before he could tamp it back. Kark him six ways to Heptaday, she was going to be the death of him. Chances were, he would probably enjoy every second of it and probably thank her for it by the end. </p><p>He could feel Depa grinning against his mouth and knew she was all too aware of the effect she had on him. Especially when she tightened her legs around his and shifted her weight forward to rock herself against him in a horrifically distracting manner that blew all rational thought right out of his head. He’d kissed her in an attempt to distract her from the embarrassing line of questioning she had regarding his unintended slip of calling her his darling. Now he was having trouble even remembering what they had been talking about thanks to the fact every ounce of blood had left his head and was currently fueling his erection.</p><p>If he were being honest with himself, he knew he had no right to make any kind of claims of her but it had slipped out and now he didn’t know how to deal with it so he opted to try and distract her instead. </p><p>But Depa was ratcheting things up further and her enthusiastic approval was all the permission he needed to take further action. One hand ended up splayed across the small of her back and pulled her in close as his mouth shifted to map out the sharp line of her jaw and neck.</p><p>She tilted her head slightly to give him better access and Grey darted his tongue out to taste the skin right where he could feel her pulse beating beneath his mouth. He fought the urge to suck a mark into her neck because it would be very evident this high up where neither her robes or hair could mask it. </p><p>Her nails grazed the back of his neck as a husky groan escaped the Jedi. “You’re trying to distract me.” Depa accused a little breathlessly and Grey pressed another kiss against her neck near the curve of her shoulder. </p><p>“Am I? How am I doing?” Grey teased as he pulled back just enough to meet her eyes briefly. </p><p>“Adequately.” </p><p>“I’ll have to work harder then.” With that, he skimmed a hand up her side until he could cup one of her breasts lightly and Depa sucked in a breath as his thumb stroked her nipple into hardness through the thin linen material of her nightdress. Once it had tightened into a bud, the clone ducked his head to suckle it into his mouth through the fabric. His tongue quickly dampened the material and the Jedi shuddered against him. </p><p>“Grey…” Her nails dug into his scalp ever so slightly as she pulled him closer in a silent plea for him to continue. He eagerly obeyed and bit down lightly in an answer which had Depa groaning in answer even as she rocked against him. </p><p>He suddenly resented even the thin barrier of her shift between them so he moved his hands to Depa’s waist and climbed to his feet so he could move them onto the bunk properly. </p><p>Depa must have read his intention in his face because the moment her back hit the bunk, she was moving to drag her gown up and squirmed in a delightfully distracting manner as he planted a leg on the bunk and started to yank the top portion of his undersuit off. It ended up in a careless heap on the floor before he turned to help her finish tugging that night shift off and it joined his shirt on the floor.</p><p>Grey took a moment to just <i>look</i> at her with pupils blown wide and hunger plain to see on his face as he took in every inch of her. Depa felt both self-conscious but also excited and she fought the urge to demurely cover herself up with a carefully angled arm. </p><p>Instead, she let him drink in his fill and did much the same herself. There were new scars now faded and healed courtesy of the GAR’s medical facilities and she knew he could see her fresh set of puckered scars where Grievous had impaled her on his lightsabers. They weren’t pretty and they probably bothered her more than being mostly naked in front of her lover. </p><p>Some of the hunger on the clone’s face faded when his eyes caught on the one that had gone through her lower ribcage. There was a divot where the bone itself had been scorched and burned away along with muscle and tissue. The meddroid at the temple had made no bones about how badly she’d been hurt, how much work the healers and droids had invested in bringing her back from the brink of death. </p><p>She felt guilt radiate outwards from Grey then as his hand came up to rest over that divot almost hesitantly. </p><p>"It doesn’t hurt.” She reassured him and the urge to try and cover-up was almost overpowering then. “I know it’s ugly.”</p><p>“It’s not ugly, It just…it reminds me that I almost lost you.” </p><p><i>That I failed you.</i> Was what his mind automatically supplied and maybe it was because they were literally touching or because her barriers were compromised in some way but Depa unconsciously picked up on that surface thought as clear a bell.</p><p>“Oh. Grey, <i>no</i>.” She breathed, dismay plain to see on her face and that had the clone commander freezing in matching dismay. He yanked his hand back as though he’d accidentally burned her, guilt and horror bleeding into the Force around him.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he apologized and it was only Depa’s hands desperately reaching up to grab him by the arm that kept the clone from retreating from the bed completely like a spooked Eopie.</p><p>“Grey, no, stop.”</p><p>A part of him heard the command in her voice and reacted unconsciously to it as he’d been created and bred to do. Because good soldiers followed orders so Grey stopped in his tracks and even came to stiff attention.</p><p>Depa only looked more dismayed when he went stiff and all thoughts of bed play went right out of both their minds. She tugged on his arm to indicate she wanted him to come closer and he followed without complaint until she’d pulled him down to lay on the bunk beside her. </p><p>It was a tight fit and they ended up lying side by side facing one another. </p><p>“I didn’t hurt you?” The question was bright and clear on his surface thoughts and she deliberately shored up her personal shielding to try and block it out lest she violates his privacy any more. But it was obvious Depa was going to need to school him in working on his shielding as well lest he broadcast his thoughts to any nearby Jedi. </p><p>“No, you did not hurt me. And I’m sorry to say I am accidentally picking up on your surface thoughts. "</p><p>The clone’s golden brown eyes went wide with surprise though his expression quickly melted into guilt. It was almost worse in her mind that he didn’t seem outraged or upset at the gross invasion of his privacy. </p><p>“Oh.” </p><p>“You did not fail me, Grey. Let us make that abundantly clear right from the start.” Depa said seriously and stroked her fingers along the line of the scar that bisected the clone commander’s face. It was a miracle he hadn’t lost an eye. Sadness welled within her because that scar along the other scars she could see was proof if anyone had failed here, it had been her.</p><p>“You didn’t fail us either, general.” Grey once more seemed to pluck the very thought from her head and some of Depa’s surprised skepticism must have shown because he offered her a sad little smile. “I don’t need to be a Jedi to guess that, I like to think I know you well enough after all this time to know how you <i>Jetii</i> like to try and take the weight of the world on your shoulders.”</p><p>“That is a wild exaggeration.”</p><p>"Is it though?” Grey asked, pressing the subject further than he would have before. Six months was a long time to be stuck with your thoughts and regrets. “You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t like that, I don’t know if it’s a Jedi trait or just something uniquely you.” There was a wealth of tenderness and affection on the man’s face when he said that and Grey leaned in over the short distance between them so he could rest his forehead against Depa’s affectionately.</p><p> He knew she probably didn’t completely understand the significance of such a gesture amongst the clones though she’d probably seen it enough to recognize it meant <i>something</i> even if she didn’t know the full extent of the gesture. </p><p>“Grey…”</p><p>“I’m not even asking you to change, just…let me be there to help you shoulder the burden. You don’t have to carry it all alone.” He could feel the hard metal ball of her upper piercing press into his skin. Somehow, Grey had expected it to be cool but it was warmed through completely by the ever constant contact of her skin. </p><p>His hand combed through the loose length of her hair and he marveled at the silky texture of it as it ran over his skin until he’d reached the nape of her neck. Grey cradled the back of her head with that broad palm and just lay there for a moment breathing in her presence and Depa felt another wave of emotion well up within her chest for this man.</p><p>“Oh, my dear commander,” she breathed and gently framed his cheek with one tender hand. “There is no one else I would have by my side.” </p><p>Grey hadn’t even been consciously aware of the fact his eyes had drifted shut but they slit open so he could look at her.  “There’s nowhere else I would rather be.”</p><p>“How fortuitous,” Amusement colored her tone and after a few more moments, she reached up to wrap her fingers around Grey’s wrist so she could tug it lightly back down to where he’d left off before mapping out the divot of the lightsaber scar in her side. </p><p>Let it not be said he wasn’t a quick learner because the clone caught her intention readily enough and splayed his fingers across her skin. “You’re sure it doesn’t hurt?” </p><p>“Not at all, if anything, it’s the opposite. I suspect there was some nerve damage that even bacta can’t heal.”</p><p>He didn’t bother to point out the fact that was what happened when you impaled yourself on a red-hot plasma blade. Instead, he skimmed his fingers up her torso until he reached the messy, ropy scar near her shoulder from where a glancing blow from General Grievous’s lightsaber had come far too close to cleaving her arm off. If his angle had been just slightly more elevated he probably would have succeeded. </p><p>Instead, she would wear that mark for the rest of her life as a reminder just as Grey wore his. The Jedi found herself somewhat uncomfortable with this level of scrutiny so this time, she was the one who sought to distract by leaning in to capture Grey’s mouth in another kiss. </p><p>Her hand came up to guide his own downwards a little bit further south and practically molded his fingers to the curve of her breast and the clone’s amused laugh was swallowed up by the kiss. Thankfully, he got with the program and his thumb teased her nipple back into hardness once more. </p><p>Depa licked her way into his mouth and Grey happily went along with it, let her take control as he often did. He suspected there was probably something to be said about his willingness to follow her every command both in and off the battlefield but Grey enjoyed letting her take control just as Depa seemed to enjoy being the one in control. </p><p>Thanks to the amount of downtime he’d had while recovering from his own injuries and then trying to get himself back into shape, Grey had plenty of time to expand his horizons so to speak. Well, expand in that he’d confiscated some birther porn from some of the new replacements and discovered much to his surprise that some of the things he and Depa had been experimenting within the proverbial bedroom had an actual <i>name</i> or perhaps genre was more appropriate. </p><p>He’d thought himself worldly by clone standards but he’d discovered he didn’t know a kriffing thing apparently. The next time he’d gotten some leave, he'd slipped away from Styles and the others so he could do some exploring on his own. The holonet had provided him with all manner of ideas and things that both titillated and made him uncomfortable the deeper down the proverbial rabbit hole he went. </p><p>And now that it was becoming readily apparent she was just as interested in continuing their previous sexual relationship as he was, Grey made a mental note to bring up some of the more intriguing ideas he’d come across to her later. </p><p>For now, Grey desperately wanted to drag more of those breathy sounding noises from Depa and wanted to reacquaint himself with her body so after one last kiss, he pulled away and started to meander his way downwards. He licked the delicate skin near the hinge of her jaw where he could feel her pulse beating beneath the skin and made his way down the graceful line of the Chalactan Jedi’s throat until he reached the hollow of her neck.</p><p>Grey paused momentarily and glanced upwards to gauge her expression and to check in with Depa’s reaction before he finally bent his head once more to the flat of his tongue across the nipple he’d teased into a hardened bud. Depa sucked in a quiet breath and arched into him ever so slightly with approval. The clone traced the tip of his tongue around the circumference of her areola until he’d thoroughly moistened the skin. </p><p>“Is this okay?” He asked against her skin, knowing the exhalation of his breath would feel cooler against her damp skin. </p><p>“Yes, more than okay,” Depa practically groaned the words and her hand landed on his shoulder. </p><p>“Good,” the clone commander said, shooting her a brief grin before his head bent once more to suckle her nipple into his mouth. Breasts in general were endlessly fascinating to Grey, mainly because you didn’t see too many of them on Kamino. Sure, there had been a few female  <i> Cuy’val Dar</i> but none of the clones would have dreamed about sexualizing them in any way in part because they were just as harsh and pitiless as their male counterparts. </p><p>No, it was only when they had left the sea-swept shores of their home planet and were exposed to the universe at large that the clones came to realize just how sheltered they had been on Kamino. The first time Grey had seen a mother breastfeeding her hungry child had been <i>weird</i> and vaguely uncomfortable to behold to the young clone’s eyes. It was one thing to know nat-borns spent so many years growing, that they were helpless and reliant upon their parents for everything including sustenance but it was a whole other Eopie to be confronted with that with your own eyes.</p><p>But as weird as the concept of breastfeeding could be, Grey had to admit breasts were pretty wizard. He definitely enjoyed playing with Depa’s but that was more because she obviously enjoyed it and he wanted nothing more than to bring her pleasure in bed. </p><p>Her nails bit down into his shoulder lightly as she squeezed it but Grey didn’t mind that. Depa wasn’t overtly loud when they were having sex, either because most of the time they were within earshot of hundreds of nosy ears but even the rare few nights they’d managed to steal away either in relative privacy on board their ship or even during downtime, she wasn’t the kind of lover given to making a lot of noise or for moaning loudly. This wasn’t to say she wasn’t expressive because she was, she just tended to express herself with gestures or those addictive little noises she made that went straight to his poor dick.  </p><p>Grey bit down lightly on the nipple he’d been toying with before letting it slip out of his mouth with an audible pop so he could turn his attention to her other breast. </p><p>A shudder rocked through the Jedi as she arched up into him eagerly and her hand shifted to grip him by the neck so she could pull him even closer. </p><p>Grey made a wordless noise of amusement as he continued to lavish attention on her breasts. While he did that, he trailed his free hand down the slope of her belly and even further south until he reached her pussy. He stroked two fingers between her lips and found her wet and ready for him. </p><p>It was Grey's turn to shudder as his already hard and eager cock twitched with a need that bordered on painful. Depa's hips rocked down against his fingers in unspoken approval so he sank his fingers deeper until they were surrounded by her warm core. He hadn't been with anyone else while she had been in her coma, hadn't wanted anyone else but he had been haunted by the sense memories of being inside of her. </p><p>Their first time together he'd shot off like a trigger-happy shiny because the sensation had been so overwhelming. Depa had suffered his mortifying lack of experience with grace and humor. And then proceeded to show him how he could put his mouth to good use bringing her off. That particular activity swiftly became a personal favorite of his because he got a kick out of pleasuring her and it scratched some psychological itch he had to serve all at the same time.</p><p>His stamina had improved with both time and experience but they often ended the night with Grey between her legs with Depa's legs thrown over his shoulders and her heels digging into his back.</p><p>All in all, it was a situation that suited the both of them.</p><p>Grey started a lazy rhythm with his hand and when he reached the apex of his thrust and was the deepest inside of her, the clone moved to stimulate her clit with his thumb. </p><p>That sensitive bundle of nerves being teased had pleasure zipping through Depa and the Jedi couldn't quite bite back a husky sounding moan. After six months in a bacta tube she felt tight and full with just two fingers inside of her. It would take some time and work on Grey's part to get her loose enough to find penetration pleasurable. </p><p>Jango Fett had been a generously endowed man and his clones had inherited that particular aspect of his physique as far as she could tell.</p><p>Grey bit down on her nipple a little more aggressively but that flash of borderline discomfort mingled with the pleasure in a delightful counterpoint of each other.</p><p>The Jedi hissed something under her breath and her nails bit into his scalp in answer. He shot her a playful look up at her from beneath his lashes as he licked the hurt away tenderly. With one final kiss to the pillowy softness of her breast, he started to meander his way down Depa’s torso with a string of light nips and kisses that had the woman’s breathing patterns stutter ever so slightly when she realized where he was headed.</p><p>Depa looked down at her lover, pupils blown wide with need and shifted her grip to the top of his head as she exerted a subtle pressure to indicate she wanted him between her legs at a slightly faster click than his meandering pace was doing. Grey smiled and nipped at her belly button instead. </p><p>“Grey…” She grumbled as him which only earned her a quiet chuckle from the man. </p><p>“Yes, Depa?” Mischief danced in the clone’s eyes and it was so rare to see Grey this unburdened she found herself charmed against her will. </p><p>“If you keep teasing me, I will make you pay for it and more.” The Jedi said, only half-serious but she didn’t miss the subtle reactions in Grey that betrayed his interest in just what that would entail. </p><p>“Yes, ma’am.” He scooted down the bed and much to her dismay, withdrew his fingers so he could move to grip her by the hips. He picked her up so he could scoot her back a little further on the bunk so that he didn’t have to scoot all the way off the edge of the cot. Depa quickly caught onto his intention and helped as best she could and once they’d gotten settled, Grey slid his hands up her thighs to spread her legs a little bit more so he had room to maneuver.</p><p>The clone commander glanced up at her one last time as though to seek permission and Depa nodded her ascent without a word. That was all Grey needed to see and bent down enough to bring himself level with her cunt, It really was a thing of beauty and definitely way more visually appealing than the endless amount of cocks and balls a clone typically saw throughout their often short lives. </p><p>Grey knew there were brothers out there who were exclusively attracted to other men just as he knew there were some that enjoyed the exotic allure of alien flesh or who just didn’t give a damn one way or another what kind of genitals their lovers had. </p><p>Against all odds, the <i>Kaminiii</i> hadn’t managed to completely duplicate Jango Fett and his clones had tastes that were anything but homogeneous. But in this particular time and place, Grey honestly could not imagine anything more sexually appealing or gorgeous as the sight in front of him. </p><p>“Are you waiting for marching orders, commander?” Depa asked just a little impatient but the flush to her cheeks betrayed her desire. It should have been uncomfortable, finding herself the object of such close scrutiny, especially in such an intimate manner but the stunned look of appreciation on the clone’s face did things to Depa and just heightened her desire further. </p><p>“Just studying the terrain, ma’am.” </p><p>“Some time today would be appreciated, Grey.” A smile played at the corners of the Jedi’s mouth and since he wasn’t taking care of business, she reached down to stroke her fingers along the underside of her clit and gently nudged the hood back a little bit so she could pleasure herself more fully. </p><p>Grey’s eyes were glued to her fingers as she teased herself and his mouth went dry as a Tatooine summer. Judging by the gleam in Depa’s eyes, she was all too aware of the effect she had on him too and she lifted a challenging brow at him as though to ask if he was going to get on with it. </p><p>The clone didn’t need to be ordered twice and bent his head to drag the flat of his tongue up the length of her cunt before ending with a clever little flick of the tip of his tongue against her clit. The taste of her was intoxicating as always and he teasingly licked at her fingers where they lay there framing that sensitive bundle of nerves that lay exposed to him. </p><p>Grey got down to the business of eating her out with the same level of enthusiasm he brought to soldiering and fighting tinnies. It almost always took longer for Depa to reach orgasm than him and it often took some careful juggling and a lot of build-up to try and match orgasms but today, Grey was less interested in getting off than he was in bringing her as much pleasure as he possibly could. </p><p>He alternated between thrusting his tongue deep inside the liquid heat of her core and teasing her clit as Depa groaned softly and let her head fall back against the minimal padding of the standard-issue GAR pillow. </p><p>This continued for a while as Grey rounded her up like a top only to slow down to ease her back away from the precipice of orgasm. It was both maddening and exhilarating all at the same time.<br/>
When Grey introduced his fingers back into the mix she made an approving noise and dragged her nails against his scalp as she fought the urge to just rudely press that clever mouth more firmly between her legs. He started with one but swiftly introduced a second one and began to piston them in and out of her firmly which in turn had Depa’s hips grind down into his hand and they juddered and rocked against him restlessly.</p><p>“Grey-” She gasped his name, sounding absolutely ruined and all it took was one suck on her clit to send the Jedi shuddering as she reached orgasm. Grey could feel her internal muscles milking his fingers and squeezing them so tightly, he had a sense-memory of being inside her when she came and it was enough to waken his flagging erection to full, aching hardness once more.  </p><p>A shudder ran up the clone’s back at that memory and after a few more moments, he pulled away from Depa so he could feather a few damp kisses to the insides of her thigh. </p><p>She was still riding the high of her orgasm and lightly dragged her nails against his scalp which was about the only part of him she could reach right now. “Come here?” </p><p>Grey nodded and scrubbed at his still damp mouth before crawling up the length of her body and she scooted over onto her side to make room for his larger frame until they were laying there facing one another. Standard issue GAR cots were not made for two grown adult humanoids though they managed to make it work by weaving their legs together and Grey ended up with one arm slung over her waist to tug her closer.</p><p>Depa leaned in to press a few kisses against his neck and shoulder where she could reach without having to move too much. Her bones still felt liquid and she indulged herself with some post-orgasmic bliss for a moment. </p><p>“May I?” She asked as she skated a hand along Grey’s side and flank with an obvious destination in mind. The clone’s face got hot with a flush and his eyes went wide as though he was surprised she would offer to return the favor. Depa had the secret suspicion even in this, he didn’t rate his own pleasure as being as important as her own. There were deep flaws in the clone’s programming, starting with the fact they had been subjected to programming in the first place but that was neither here nor there. </p><p>She had some grave concerns about just what thoughts the cloners on Kamino were putting in the <i>vode</i> heads but unfortunately, the middle of a war zone was not the place to try and untangle the full extent of the trauma the clones went through in their accelerated training as they raced to get them battle-ready. </p><p>Even if a part of her, the coldly dispassionate side that recognized the gray between black and white recognized that their unique training while dehumanizing and perhaps cruel, was the only thing preparing them for the lives they faced. The horrors they were forced to withstand on a battlefield that cared nothing for the cost of lives or how many were killed to gain a few bloody yards of territory. </p><p>Depa liked to hope she’d helped Grey realize there was more to life than just duty to the Jedi and that he was allowed to want something for himself and the fact he almost immediately nodded in answer to her question rather than hesitate was gratifying in its own way. </p><p>“Please,” he practically breathed that single word but there was a lot of need packed into that brief answer. </p><p>She smiled and nipped at his chin playfully even as long, slim fingers wrapped around the hard length of him. Depa’s hands were elegant and graceful but there were lines of calluses that had built up over a lifetime of handling a lightsaber so she was gentle as she handled him. </p><p>Normally, she would have needed some kind of slick or other lubrication to make this good for Grey but he was so keyed up by everything, it only took half dozen strokes to set him off and suddenly, the need for additional lubrication was solved as he spilled over her hand and against his belly. </p><p>A full-body shudder ran through Grey as he fought back a moan because some habits were hard to break and even if they were in relative privacy in her tent, he’d been trying to mask sounds of his orgasm since he’d been a cadet still in a sleeping tube who suddenly discovered what his <i>kad</i> was good for. </p><p>Depa coaxed him through his orgasm and leaned up to kiss him tenderly as she did so and he kissed her back with more passion than skill. Wordlessly, he tried to convey his gratitude through that kiss. They lay there kissing for a few moments just enjoying the moment. Grey felt the brush of fabric rub against his belly as Depa wiped his spilled semen off of his belly and her fingers and made note of it at a sort of hazy distance. He didn’t know where she’d gotten the towel though he suspected she’d cheated a little bit with the Force to bring it to hand. Either way, he barely spared it a thought in favor of just enjoying her presence in the here and now. </p><p>The love he felt for her welled up in his heart and there was a large part of him that silently urged that this right here, this was the perfect opportunity to tell her how he truly felt. But he found himself hesitating just as he always did. Grey had fallen in love with his general so quickly his head had spun at the time. He knew the other CC clones tended to tease Bly for his capital ship sized crush he had on his general but Grey liked to think he’d keep his cool for the most part and had managed to hide the fact that he was just as gone on his general as Bly was.</p><p>Styles was aware but he trusted his best friend and second in command to be discreet. </p><p>Besides, as much as Grey might long to sing his feelings from the proverbial rooftops, he knew that wouldn’t be fair to Depa and would put her in a precarious position considering the Jedi Order’s views on attachment. He didn’t want to cause her more stress or strife by feeling obligated to return his feelings but instead forced himself to be content with what he had. </p><p>This wasn’t so terrible, lying here beside her basking in the afterglow of a spectacular orgasm exchanging tender touches and kisses. All in all, it wasn’t a bad place to be.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Y'all don't know how hard it was for me to not tag this shit with "Real men give head" or something equally ridiculous and juvenile Come scream at me over on <a href="https://bylightofdawn.tumblr.com">tumblr</a> for random sneak-peeks and general fanish flailing over all things Star Wars.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>